Category Archives: Relationship Tips

Be the only one… listen!

listening can open doors and create confidenceMost people never listen.

-Ernest Hemingway

The ability to truly listen is extremely rare. People who can master this skill have an incredible advantage in just about everything they do.


Listening to others

Those who listen to what other people say, rather than planning their next conversational move, are few and far between. When someone realizes that you’re listening, not only do you stand out in the crowd of others that have spoken with, you also create the kind of rapport that is extremely valuable amongst friends, partners, and business contacts.

Truly listening to someone else shows them that you care, plain and simple. It shows then that you’re paying attention to them, you’re not judging- rather, you’re empathising, and that what you’re going to say may be worth something because you’re actually thinking about them.

While it’s not complicated to listen, it’s not always easy, because most of us are in the habit of sleep walking through interactions. We’re not used to spending energy on understanding someone else.  It takes a bit of training to master the skill of listening.

Here’s how to do it:

1. Want to.  It all starts with your intention. Intend to understand the message coming toward you as thoroughly as possible. Accept full responsibility for both sides of the conversation.

2. Be quiet. While someone is talking, quiet your mouth and your mind. Allow the speaker to express themselves and pay attention to what they’re saying. Suspend any judgement, opinion, or advice for the time. Just listen.

3. Ask questions.  They show that you’re interested and paying attention, and you can clarify the message you’re receiving.

4. Respond. First, make sure you got the message. Use the same vocabulary and phrases as your conversational partner to ask if you understood them. Be genuine and open.

listening to yourself can open your mind and boost your charisma

Listening to yourself

It’s even more important to listen to yourself. Paying attention to yourself is the first step in growing and achieving great things. It can mean the difference between being fine and being fantastic.

It’s important to listen to your body, and not just to prevent injury or discover health issues. Often, the subconscious mind creates a physical reaction to contradict your rational mind. Examine these feelings, and make the choice whether to listen or push through with your rational decision.

When listening to yourself, it’s crucial to:

1. Be aware. The number one reason why people don’t listen to themselves is that they’re just not paying attention. What they may not know is that the inner voice is the voice of the subconscious, which drives almost all of our behavior. Start paying attention to your inner dialogue. It deserves to be heard.

2. Be honest. Be real with yourself and again, suspend judgement. Allow yourself to have whatever thoughts you have. You may be surprised what comes up when you listen. Accept it for what it is and give it consideration. You may realize something very valuable. If something that you know doesn’t serve you comes up, disown it (“that’s not like me”) and respond with something more useful for you.

3. Forgive. Beating yourself up is not useful. Be kind and supportive of yourself. Let the growth and confidence come from within.

4. Respond. If there is something you want to change, change it. Give yourself a powerful, present program, like “I am energetic and ready for the day” or “I am a powerful, compassionate leader.”

If it’s challenging to connect with your inner voice, start by keeping a dream journal or practicing meditation. This will help your rational mind become more sensitive to your subconscious processes.


One way to show you’re listening to yourself is through your style. Wear things that flatter your body (rational) and give you joy (subconscious). Put things together your way and be brave enough to try things that tickle you. It’s true, it might not work, but it just may end up being your favorite outfit!

Remember, you have the power!

Please leave a comment below:How do you connect with your inner self? What does your subconscious tell you?

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