What to do after a fight

An excerpt from last week’s newsletter,
in case you missed it…

Question: We had a fight.  Should I leave him alone totally or try to get him to talk?

When you have a disagreement or argument, it’s important to give each other some time to cool off, think and regroup.

If you don’t live together, it would be a good idea to send about one contact per day just to let him know that you’re still interested in being with him and making up.  Leave the metaphorical door open and make the first move towards reconciliation.

If you do live together, any gesture, like making him some food or sitting next to him on the couch will show him you’re willing to get past this.

The key is to take responsibility, which is also one of the key confidence builders.

Do not try to force him to talk about it.  Talking often just makes things worse, when things are emotionally charged.  Let everyone cool down and get to a rational frame of mind.  Then have an honest and logical conversation about what to do next.

And in the future, make agreements with each other.  People have disagreements because they don’t have agreements, and they get surprised by the other’s actions.

Remember to respect yourself, him, and the relationship – in that order.  You’re worth it!

Love, CarolAnn

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2 Responses to What to do after a fight

  1. lori says:

    My boyfriend is angry at me but he wont say why. I tried to sit next to him and he asked me to go away. He says he is not angry but clearly he is. I have various ideas why but not for sure. And being ostracised is making me feel ill. I don’t know what to do.

  2. CarolAnn says:

    Hey Lori, I’m glad you commented!

    Do you have evidence that tells you he’s angry at you? Often when men are distant like this, they are actually responding to something in their life – not you. He could be stressed about his job, money, his family, or a friend. Don’t take it personally right now.

    Do what you can to help him get back to his happy and caring self. Remember that it’s up to him, not you, to get himself happy again, and you can give him some inspiration. Cook for him, rub his shoulders, just show him that you care. Avoid pressing him for what’s bothering him. Let him come to you when he’s ready.

    And let me know what happens!

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